Reluctant Blogging

To blog or not to blog. That’s the question which has plagued me for a while now. Just over a year, in fact. It was a recurring thought, which was strange considering I had no interest whatsoever in starting a blog. Mostly, I think, out of fear. It’s a scary thing, as an artist to toss your work into the wind and risk the exposure to potential criticism. As these thoughts persisted, it became an internal argument. Why would I want my thoughts out there for the world to read? Who in the world even cares?

The little imp on my shoulder can be quite persuasive. “I don’t know anything about blogging.” I’d say to myself. I had lots of excuses, and doubt was getting the better of me. “Even if I did start a blog, how long could I keep it up? What if I run out of things to write about?” Thankfully, the little angel on my other shoulder works overtime too. “I don’t run out of things to think about, so why would I run out of things to blog about?” That would inevitably lead me back to my original questions and the little devil would say: “Who would want to read about your thoughts? Nobody cares when they have more important thoughts of their own.”

Yet, try as I might to talk myself out of it, these thoughts persisted. The possibility persisted. As I surrendered to the idea, additional ideas came to me and the questions I asked myself became: “If I did write a blog, what would I share? What could I contribute to the lives of my readership?” Deep down I did feel like I had something worthwhile I could share, despite the ever-present doubts. Once I admitted that to myself the ideas started pouring into my mind. I could write about my art. People frequently asked me about my art. That’s what my acquaintances knew about me. Some even knew about my other creative endeavors. I wanted to share my ideas with others, but I was timid about doing so. I was simultaneously intrigued and afraid of the prospect of a blog, and I was trying to rationalize my way out of it. I realized I was struggling against two sides of myself. The side that wanted to openly share my creative efforts fought the side of me that was afraid. The little angel was battling that little devil again.

I started a file in my computer labeled “Reluctant Blogging” and wrote down everything I could think of as a possible topic and expounded on them as the ideas came to me. Eventually I began to see patterns and the ideas started coming together on their own. I also started researching to learn as much as I could about the prospect.

In essence, my conclusion was that it didn’t matter so much whether or not someone else thought I had something worthwhile to say, or if they cared, or even how long I could maintain the momentum. I care. Ultimately, I decided that fear was the only thing holding me back. I didn’t want the little devil on my shoulder to win. The battle became a matter of overcoming fear and not a question of whether or not to blog.

I know I’m not the only one with fears. I’m not the only one who has fought this battle. But I wanted to join the ranks of those who overcame fear, for better or worse, for success or failure. Regardless of the future of this blog, I was successful overcoming my fear. Or at least, I’m working on it.